Day 2: Lies, betrayal, TRUST.

When TRUST is broken, everything else follows. 


It's amazing how it takes years to build TRUST and just seconds to BREAK it. 

I am not just speaking based on my experience but betrayal of trust is an issue everyone faces. We get betrayed by our friends, lovers, strangers, acquaintances, families or even our own selves. But then again, everything in this world will fail us, but there's only one truth that will remain: God will never fail us. He will never betray us. On the contrary, we are the ones always betraying Him, and that I may say is constant. In our everyday lives, we tend to betray GOD in almost every way. By doing the same wrong things over and over and over again. Think about it. It's time to reflect on how much do we love God and how much can we prevent ourselves from betraying Him? It's about time to re-examine the core of our hearts... Maybe it's time to do something about it. 

Day 2 is a TOUGH one. 

Thanks sissy, Louie for always being there.. <3

I did give a heads up that I will be writing for the next couple of days until I can truly say that I moved on and that I've finally released all the negative vibes troubling my mind.

Well, if Day 1 was challenging, Day 2 is definitely a tough one. I had a roller coaster of emotions and mind you, I wasn't able to sleep. I was awake for 24 hours. Too much thinking deprives you from sleeping. And even eating. Hahaha! (Which is a good one for me since I am on a diet. Just kiddin') I remember Ate Efi telling me yesterday over lunch, "Kaya ka walang apetite kasi stress ka, dami kang iniisip." Oo nga naman, tama nga naman. Over-thinking things. Thinking about someone who's not thinking about you. Thinking about what haves, could haves, should haves, and the like. Isa sa pinaka-nakakapagod na gawin ay ang magisip ng paulit-ulit. Yung tipong gusto mo ng matulog pero hindi mo magawa kasi inaatake ka ng kaaway at kung ano-ano sinisingit sa isip mo. Haaay!


So as I woke up earlier, I was praying to God to release me from these thoughts... and He did. I came across this verse and realized that what I experienced yesterday is not coming from GOD. It came from the enemy.

The thief comes only to steal, to kill, and to destroy; 

I have come that they may have life and have it to the full. 

John 10:10 

I didn't realize that I was being attacked already by the enemy because I was too preoccupied with my thoughts. Instead of rejoicing over the truth, I got stuck with the lie. Instead of being thankful for all the blessings, I dwelled on the negative ones. That's how the enemy attacks us, HE DOESN'T WANT US TO BE HAPPY. That's a sad reality. And most of us fall into that trap. That's why people are lonely, abandoned, and depressed. Because the enemy took the hope of happiness away from them. And I don't want myself neither you, my dear readers, to be included in that list of the lonely, heart broken, and depressed. Ignore the pain and eventually, it will leave you. Trust me. 

Whose fault is it? 

As I was reading a book entitled, "Tomorrow can be Beautiful" by Harold J. Sala, I came across this topic about blaming GOD. I read through it and it hit me, then and there, do I blame God for trials? or do I thank Him for it? As human as we can be, we experience all sorts of trials and in times of failures... in one way or another, we question God and His sovereignty. But is it fair? Is it right to question our Maker because of circumstances that happened maybe because of our own fault as well? Of course not! It's not God's fault and it's not right to blame Him for whatever's happening in our lives right now. 

We live in a broken world. We live in a world where there's no such thing as a fair trial. We live in a world where corruption and lies are acceptable or if not, people don't care any more. We are apathetic and calloused with sin. Even if you are a believer, we are not excused from human failures, accidents, heart aches, and trials in an imperfect world. 

But there is something that we can do as Christians. Instead of feeling down and blaming God, run to Him and pour out your heart to Him in prayer. There is no greater feeling than the feeling of being released from all the negativity and pain. When you cry out to God, you cry out your deepest thoughts... and thru this process, we are slowly being released from the bondage of loneliness and pain. 

I am not a preacher nor am I a saint. I know I failed God in so many ways. I am writing this not to pretend I am holy but rather I am writing this because I am a sinner and I am guilty of all this sins. But we can be redeemed. As long as we have God on our side, we have hope. It is written, "If God is with us, who can ever be against us?" So as I end this, I will leave you with this verse from the Bible: 

Be happy, young man, while you are young, 

and let your heart give you the joy in the days of your youth. 

Follow the ways of your heart and whatever your eyes see, 

but know that for all these things God will bring you to judgement. 

So then, banish anxiety from your heart and cast off the troubles of your body,

for youth and vigor are meaningless. 

Ecclesiastes 11: 9 - 10 

It's not the end of the world, My friend. There is hope and light in the midst of the darkness. It's about time to wake up and move on. :) 

Thanks for reading! Be blessed and be a blessing!

Day 1: There is no turning back

When God closes a door, He opens a window

Amen, Amen, and Amen! God is the God of opportunities and blessings! He will never fail us, just BELIEVE. 

 Now, I will be writing a series of "post-break-up-lessons-learned-blogs" for the next few weeks, I will consider this as well as my outlet to release all the pain and frustrations I am feeling... and I want as well my readers, to learn with me in the process. Yes, moving on will always be the hardest part... but when you say it's over, it's over. There should be no turning back.

I have not been myself for the longest time, and this is the result of a recent dilemma in the matters of my heart. Yes, I've been through a series of break ups with the same person for the past 8 years but this break up will stand out. (For the reason, I will not disclose. It's too personal that I prefer to keep it in private). But, I may say, I've learned the hard way. Literally, THE HARD WAY. I had to endure all the pain before I really allowed my eyes to be opened, my mind to understand, and my heart to feel. I will not say anything negative to the other person involve, he, in all fairness, has been a part of my life. And I will respect him for that.

But yes, I know God has opened my eyes and my mind because He has a purpose in my life. Being hurt is something you can not stop from happening, but being miserable is always a choice. So, yes, I choose not to be miserable and I choose to move forward with God's grace and guidance following me. :) 

"You were happy once without him, you can be happy again :)" 

Another Amen for that! We've lived for the longest time being single so it's not an excuse that you cannot be happy again. Who says that being happy is just because you are in a relationship right now? Oo, masarap ma-inlove, ang saya ma-inlove.. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nun ay SIYA nalang ang tanging dahilan kung bakit ka magiging masaya.  

Surround yourself with people who genuinely love and care for you.. They are your family and friends. I thank God that thru this process, God blessed me with GREAT friends. I am a thousand miles away from home but I am blessed to have TRUE friends to guide me, to listen to me rant on the same reasons over and over again.. Cry like there's no tomorrow, just simply listening and telling you that everything will be alright... It's definitely the best feeling in the world when you're in so much pain.

I am blessed with a very supportive family who never failed to amuse me and show me that life is good and GOD is good. Hindi titigil ang mundo dahil nasasaktan ka, kaya kailangan mong harapin ang sakit kundi tuluyan ka ng mahuhulog at mawawala. So every time you think that you cannot be happy without that specific person... THINK AGAIN. God himself is HAPPINESS, if you haven't experienced GOD you will not experience eternal HAPPINESS. Focus! Stay focused. :) Happiness is on its way. If not now, tomorrow can be beautiful. Just keep the faith. :)

I press on towards the goal

Last night, we had our weekly PRAYER meeting and I know that GOD is speaking to me last night as I listen to all the words of encouragement being shared by my fellow churchmates. But one thing that really strucked me is the word on:

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, press on towards the goal to win the prize which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:12-14

In life, we should have this specific goal. What do you think is God's plan for you? Do you think he wants you to stay lonely or do you think He wants you to be happy? It's all about knowing your disposition. I remembered an advice given to me by a very dear sister, "God is showing all these things to you for you to learn and not turn back again. Press on towards the goal and maybe that goal is for you to serve Him more. Use this experience as a lesson that will make you stronger in your commitment and ministry to God." 

Hindi ako self-righteous. I know my mistakes as a person, I know my shortcomings. But I will not use that to justify the wrong doings of others around me. If you know the truth and you did not follow it, it's your accountability with God. Mabuti ng bulag sa katotohanan, kaysa nagbubulag-bulagan. :) 

It is better to have loved and lost

I will leave you with this verse in the Bible: 

If I speak in tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and knowledge, and I if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all my possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. 

1 Corinthians 13:1-3 

It is cliche to tell this line that "it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all - Alfred Lord Tennyson" but it's a fact. God is love and love is God. We can only fully experience God's love if we learned how to love. It doesn't matter if that person broke your heart a dozen times, but what's beautiful is... You can still LOVE. The greatest of it all is LOVE. Never give up on love and never give up on God. He has something better in stored for you. Just wait. As what they say, "True love waits", and it really does.

Be blessed and be a blessing!

Blogging once again.

Blogging once again.
(Not a break-up blog, just sayin')

Here I go again.

Where do I begin? I was thinking of a topic to write about.. And for the past couple of minutes, the only thing that keeps popping in my mind is nonetheless, the famous four letter word: L-O-V-E. People go gaga over this topic.. Over and over and over again. And I'm one of them.

Ahhhh! Love, love, love. Why make lives complicated?

It's not everyday that you will find someone whom you will love the most and give your whole heart.. And sometimes even your soul. When we love, we give everything. It comes to the point that you yourself don't even have anything left for yourself. You give every bit of your time and effort for this one person who you thought was the one for you.. And yes there's always an exception. Some will indeed find their soulmates or "better half", but in the endless stream of loveless and hopeful singles... We are still in search of love. Hoping that love comes finding us.. At the right place and in the right time.

Being inlove is the best feeling that a person could ever feel. But it could also bring us the worse of all pains. Sometimes we learn how to love the hard way. It is the most painful when the person you truly love hurts you in an excruciating pain that no physical pain could ever replace. They say emotions when damaged is worst than physical affliction. I've learned that it takes years and years to build up a relationship based on trust but it will only take seconds to destroy it. Yes, SAD reality. We loved so much but we experience pain in return. So does rejection and the feeling of being taken for granted.

We may question God or His promises when we experience heart aches and heartbreaks but always remember, God uses or allows circumstances in our lives simply because He loves us so much. He wants to teach us and wants us to learn from our mistakes. There is this quote in twitter:

“Sometimes, we need to be hurt in order to grow. We must lose in order to gain. Sometimes, some lessons are learned best through pain.”

Yes, life and love is best learned through pain. We loved and lost but better than not ever loving someone at all. Love is an oxymoron of its own. It is bitter sweet. We have to embrace the fact that we are HUMANS and that we will face hardships and trials, but we learned to love because God loved us first. I'm telling you, cast all your pains and miseries to Him, He will lead you to the right path. And He will show you how beautiful life is when we first learn to love Him and ourselves above anything else. :) Live, love and learn.


Adios! It's 12:01 AM, time to hit the sacks. Sorry for the non-sense. Hahaha! Antok na eh. Writing this with my other eye closed and ready to sleep. *winks*

Maikling Kuwento

The One That Got Away

"It's now or never." the words just came out of Jeremy's mouth. He was afraid to take the risk but was more afraid to lose Sarah. He was sweating all over while anxiously waiting for her response.

Silence. Deafening silence.

"The least you could do is tell me something." Jeremy muttered while trying to hide the tears falling from his eyelids. He knew that this will be the last time that he will see her again. And just the thought of it makes him want to hug her tight and never let go.  

"I can't." 

Finally, she said something. Jeremy looked straight in her eyes and all he can see is emptiness. Like as if the feelings are not there. It's as if the person standing right next to him is a complete stranger. He knew this would be the end of everything that he'd worked hard for six years. 

He knew that she was leaving. And this time, it's definitely for good. 

*********

"I'd love to go to the movies with you." Sarah said without hesitations. She was smiling all over and it appears to him that she is excited.

"I would be honored. So I'll pick you up at 7?" Jeremy asked. 

"Yes!" Sarah blurted out as she was running out of breath chasing her school bus. "I can't chat right now, just call me! See you!" 

And with just a blink of an eye, she's gone. But it doesn't bother Jeremy. Not even an inch. This girl that he's been dreaming of ever since they were Freshmen finally agreed to go out with him. He felt like he was the luckiest guy on earth. 

 
And maybe he was. 

*********

"I love you. I know I may not tell this to you everyday, but my feelings never changed. It just grows more and more each day. You don't deserve any of this." Sarah was wiping the tears from her eyes, she knew that Jeremy was in pain. And this was all her fault. 

"I'm sorry, please forgive me." she muttered. 

He was angry. He can't explain the mixed emotions that his feeling right now. All he can think of was he loved her so much but she took him for granted. 

He wanted to shout and leave. But there's this part in him that makes him want to stay. He loves her, more than she loves him. He was willing to take the pain all away and make amends. 

Jeremy wiped the tears from Sarah's eyes. "I love you." was the only word he can tell her right now. And he hugged her tight. He never wanted to let go. 

 ..... to be continued.

Mga Kuru-kuru ng Taong Nababagot

Hello there! I'll try to write something worth reading but if ever, please bear with me. :) Like most of the time, I'm alone and I have nothing to do. Siguro this is one the reasons kung bakit ako madalas malungkot at mainis. Hindi naman ako mainising tao, actually I'm trying my best na hindi magalit lalo na kung ang sitwasyon ay milya-milya ang layo mo sa tao. I try my best to be as PATIENT and UNDERSTANDING as possible. But then again, I'm only human and napupuno din siguro ako. 

I have a lot of things bugging me right now. Most of you will think that the reason why I am pissed off right now ay may kaaway ako, but on the contrary... Wala akong kaaway. Kaaway ko ata ang sarili ko. Nababaliw na ata ako. Haha! 

Kuru-kuru No.1

I don't just want to be your second priority. Ang taray diba? May pa-ganyan ganyan pa kong nalalaman. Sometimes, I feel like I am being left out in the open or let's just say, being taken for granted for whatever reasons. This is not just about one specific person, I felt like people's lives are moving on without me and maybe that's primarily the reason why I am going nuts here... because basically, I am alone and all my loved ones are enjoying the time of their lives back home. As much as I want to dig deeper about this issue, blogspot is not the most private website in the world. People can search your blogs online, friends can read this and they might come up with the wrong impression so imma shut my mouth up for a while. But yes, I don't just want to be second on your list. I may be selfish but that's how I am, take it or leave it. I can share the no.1 spot as long as I'm there. hahaha! 

Kuru-kuru No.2

O, Trabaho asan ka na? Karugtong ng nauna kong blog. Wala parin akong trabaho hanggang ngayon. Sabi nga nila, "wait patiently". I am waiting patiently and I am praying for the perfect job for me. Kahit nababagot ako at sobrang gusto ko nalang umuwi sa Pinas, magtitiis ako kasi sabi nga nila, when you wait patiently... the Blessing will flow. But then again, napapaisip parin ako... Eto nga ba ung sinasabing blessing ni Lord? I am not questioning God, I am just simply wondering if it is really part of His plan for me to work and stay here in Jeddah. Baka naman pala ang plano niya for me ay sa Japan o Singapore o Malaysia ako magtrabaho. Or simply, sa Pilipinas. I have always been desiring to earn bigger compared to what I'm earning back home, but why do I experience all these trials? Is God teaching me a lesson? or simply He has something greater that's in stored for me that I still have to find out in the coming days, months, or even years. We can really never tell what will happen in the future. But one thing that I'm sure of... It will be something great. 

Kuru-kuru No.3

It's not about YOU all the time. Recently I've been very observant about statuses and wall posts of my friends (not all of them actually) in FB and TWITTER and my oh my can I say that some people are just so self-absorbed. I will admit that sometimes I have this tendency to be so involved with myself and in what I'm doing that I tend to forget that people don't really care. They don't really want to know everything about me or everything that I've been doing. So, since I've been observing this lately... I'm trying my best to not talk about MYSELF or what's happening in my life if it's not really that necessary. I also came across this Weekly Devotional by OMF Literature and it really made sense to me. Here's an excerpt: 

"When you and I boast of our strengths, we get the credit and we get under our own head of stream. But when we boast in what He is doing in the midst of our brokenness, inability and inadequacy, Christ comes to the front. His strength comes to our rescue. He is honored."

I know sometimes we tend to boast about everything that we've achieved in life, pero masaya ba tayo? Masaya ka ba na nalalaman ng iba ung ginagawa mong mabuti? Siyempre ang hipokrito ko naman kung hindi diba? But still in the end, everything that we've achieved in life, it all came from God and He deserves the credit not us. So it doesn't matter if people don't appreciate you, that's fine... God does and He sees everything that we do. Wag nating itaas ang ating mga sarili at isiping mas mahusay, mas magaling tayo sa iba... In God's eye we are all equal. 

So as I end this blog dahil kinakagat na ko ng lamok dahil nakikiagaw lang ako ng wifi sa kapitbahay hahaha, let me share to you a quotation posted by my dear friend, Shyn: 

Never be so full of yourself that you cannot feel the emptiness of another. -- Rio Vergini ;)

Til my next blog. Adios! :) God bless!